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Are you Missing Out in your Relationship

By:Roy E. Klienwachter

     Having breakfast at my favourite restaurant this morning I was again reminded about why we get involved in relationships. It always blows be away as to how many people are in convenient relationships, or stagnant relationships were there is only a possibility of growth.

There are unlimited personal reasons for people being in relationships. They are called relationships because you physically demonstrate who and what you are in relationship with another. In other words your relationships define you and your personal thoughts and beliefs about yourself, your environment and your circumstances in the moment.

No matter what you may think, say or how you may protest this statement; how you act demonstrates your thoughts in the moment. What you think always manifests itself physically and is somehow demonstrated.

A couple came into the restaurant and sat down two tables in front of me. The man with paper in hand immediately opened it up and started reading to himself with little more than a couple of words to his partner. During the time they were in my focus, the man continued to read while the woman starred off into space, and every once in awhile she would say something, and he would answer. Admittedly I am judging here, but his words were more to acknowledge her words than her existence.

This is not the real value in a relationship. Evolution, involvement are the natural mechanics of personal growth. If it is the nature of all living things to evolve or better themselves, then they do that in relationship to another, and their environment. A close personal relationship is the greatest opportunity for mankind to demonstrate his/her growth. In the moment when one has prioritized his choices to the newspaper over the relationship, he is short-changing his growth if he does not include his partner. The relationship is demonstrated physically as him reading the newspaper over engaging his partner. He has prioritized his choice no matter how he may object to this statement and actions speak stronger than words.

There are underlying developments that we can't see in this relationship. It may be a continuing opportunity for both partners to believe either consciously or subconsciously, that their relationship has become mundane, boring, or indifferent. It may add to a growing feeling that the relationship has died, and it can be a long term buildup to an appropriate action by either one.

Partnerships may be relationships of convenience were there is growth outside the relationship, and clearly this is a physical demonstration of how the partners are using the relationship. It's a place to park the car, but all the action is outside the parking lot with minimal movement in the space.

Longevity is no measure of a good or poor relationship, and it is also a demonstration of the thoughts one has about themselves, acted out in the current relationship.

There is nothing right or wrong about these kinds of relationships and they exist all around us for purpose - the purpose of each individual. However, if there is no personal growth coming from the relationship then at its best, you are just keeping up appearances. If you understand the nature of spirit and its desire to evolve in its physical experiences, then does it make any sense to stop growing, to become lazy and indifferent about your life? The true nature of "life" is "movement" the words are interchangeable.

Relationships are gifts, they are opportunities to declare yourself, and that is all that life desires - is a declaration of existence. The only true assertion that humanity can make to the universe is that "I Am" and everything thing else that follows is a lie or an imagined experience.

If a man unexpectedly appeared on the planet in a remote part of the world where no one else visited, all he could really say about himself is that he is here. If a women suddenly appeared next to him, then he could then start declaring himself as this or that in relationship to the women, her values or beliefs, her mannerisms, her physical attributes and all things female and human. He would identify himself then as either the same or different from her. It is she, who gives him life, meaning and his sexual difference as male or female. This would be the same no matter what the sexual orientation or attributes. Humanity always creates itself in relationship to each other.

I personally don't like how most couples interact with each other, whether it is aggressive or passive aggressive. I believe that if one has love and respect for oneself he/she will seek to find that and return it to others. He will also seek relationships that are based on personal growth rather than convenience. If she is in contact with the love that she truly is, she will also remove herself from relationships where there is little possibility of growth - love empowers whether self love or the love of another.

This article is not about reading the morning paper. I didn't mention that while I was focused on the couple sitting together but apart, a second couple came into the restaurant and sat down between myself and the couple. I noticed something about the new couple; the woman was reading a newspaper and so I thought wow, this is the reverse; interesting. I then noticed that the man also had a newspaper and both of them were enjoying their read. Every few moments one would look up at the other and make a comment about what they were reading.

It would be unfair of me to say that this particular couple had a maturing and supportive relationship and the other couple didn't. However, at that moment they were expressing what I would consider respect, a meaningful exchange, and the honouring of each other's presence.

Are you missing out in your relationship? It is a mirror or reflection of how you are feeling about yourself in the moment you are thinking about him/her. How you interact or react to her, really expresses the thoughts you have about yourself. He/she is the greatest gift that can come your way. It is an opportunity to say; I am alive, this is who I am, and this is how I demonstrate or express it.